Wednesday, October 26, 2005

my deepest apologies

I have been riddled with guilt since I published the "Mungo Baby" series of posts. Was I being too cruel? Can Brynna somehow sense that I'm poking fun at her? Does my butt look big in these jeans? It has gotten to the point that I can't go home and look at that cute little face and not feel the need to pluck my eyelashes as penance. I also fear that with the age that children become computer savvy these days that she may in fact have the opportunity to read these posts. According to my calculations Brynna will be online by the time that she's three months old. "that's absurd!" you say? Well if you consider how things are progressing with computers these days it doesn't seem so crazy. Examples: My grandmother learned to use the computer in her 70's (and when I say learned I mean that she was able to consistently lose all of her work because she didn't understand the concept of saving). My mom began using computers at work in her 30's. I started using computers in my late teens. (notice everybody is progressively getting younger?) I have nieces and nephews that were surfing by five. So it seems to me that it doesn't take any huge leap of faith to believe that the current crop of juves will be computer savy before they are done pooping in their pants. Just to be on the safe side, I've decided to write Brynna an apology letter. Here goes.

Dearest Brynn,

Daddio here. How are things? Chance and Grace are doing well. Joe gave me a wet willie so I gave him a wedgie. I'm writing this letter to let you know that I am very sorry for the way that I spoke of your bulbous melon. Its really not so much bulbous as it is gigantic. (hmmm, this doesn't sound like a very good apology. let me try a different tact) Your noggin may be huge but have you looked at daddy's head recently? When a hat says "One size fits all" in parenthesis below it says "(except for Rick's big fat grape)". Umbrellas fit my head better than most hats. What I'm trying to say is that having a big head isn't all that bad. Sure, when you're walking down the street perfect strangers will yell out "Hey, whats up kickball head?!" or "can you move over, you're blocking the sun". But they mean nothing by it and I think that they are just trying to make conversation.

Mommy is a little worried that the size of your head could be an indicator of a medical problem but I told her that there is nothing to be worried about. All us Nelson's look like walking ping pong paddles and we're all just fine. For example, when Darren was born his head was so huge that initially the doctor's told my mom that he was most likely mentally retarded. My mom protested the diagnosis and simply had to march me and Uncle Rusty into the room to prove her point. When you get to know Uncle Darren, you'll see that he's not retarded in the least. He's just a lovable goof, sort of like a big floppy eared dog. Everybody loves him but get a bit annoyed when he humps their legs.

So I hope this clears things up.

Love you sweetness.

Big Daddy

(p.s. something tells me that I'll be writing an apology to Uncle Darren next)


Tina Browne said...

too funny

Joe said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Joe said...

Large-headed people unite...

Big heads really are smarter

Scientists find that size does matter

Robin McKie, science editor
Sunday September 28, 2003
The Observer

Being a fathead has its compensations. Scientists have discovered that people with large skulls are more likely to fare well in the twilight of their years - at least when it comes to remembering what they are doing.
This striking conclusion is the handiwork of scientists who have uncovered a close correlation between the size of a pensioner's cranium and the results of intelligence and memory tests. In other words, when it comes to brainpower, size does matter.

'What we found was very clear,' said the group's leader, Dr Christopher Martyn, of Southampton University's environmental epidemiology unit. 'The larger a person's head, the less likely their cognitive abilities are to decline in later years.'

And for people with small heads, the results of the study - to be published in next month's issue of Brain - are particularly bleak, for the unit found that people with the smallest heads had a fivefold increased risk of suffering cognitive decline compared with those with the largest heads.