I'm too sexy

I decided to compare the sizes of my bike helmet and Brynna's and was suprised to see how close in size they actually are.

Exhibit A












After seeing how close in size they really are, I decided to see how well it fit. Once the camera came out, though, my inner model was released and the rest of the sad story is best left untold...


The innocent beginning.

Brynna's Toys

****WARNING**** this post has explicitly explicit content (near the end)

Here is a sampling of Brynna's favorite toys and an insight into Marcy's amazing creativity when it comes to naming things.
Kitty, the talking cat.



















Dog. (Brynna's favorite blankie with a head)












Crab, the crab rattle. (sorry no photo but let me assure you that it is indeed a crab)

Lamb (another blankie with a head, creepy)













Dildoey, the teether. Tee hee, just kidding. We don't have a name for this one but I think dildoey is about right since its rubber and has weirdly shaped knobs on it.

First Helmet

It has happened, Brynna received her first bike helmet for Christmas. I know, I know, she probably won't be riding a bike for another few months or so :) but in the meantime she'll be able to use it while riding in her bike trailer. She technically can't ride behind a bike until she can comfortably hold her head up while wearing the helmet so most likely that won't happen until spring but at least with her head being so big, she can actually wear the helmet now. It could come in handy with our big dumbass dog running around.


oooohhh, is that for me?????
















Frig, this thing is heavy.

The "Al Bundy" pose. (note hand tucked into front of pants) 

lounging

Lounging in her new chair from uncle rusty and aunt cara. I see many days of football watching happening there. 

adapted

If you look closely, you'll see an infant girlling perfectly adapted for her natural environment. 

Brynna laughing

Here is proof that Brynna likes to be scared. In the background you can hear Joanne trying to scare Brynna and getting big laughs out of her. Sorry for the quality but this is off of our digital camera. There will be a better one when we get it off of the video camera.

LINK

Wasabiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

 

Check out my Bean Boots. I'm a yuppie farmer. 

Old McDonald

Brynna practicing to be an old drunk farmer in her one piece thermal underwear. All she's missing are some beer stains and some stubble (she has the right amount of teeth though). 

Overheard this afternoon.

“I’m having trouble putting it in straight. Have you ever had that problem?”
“I’ve had that happen before. I think that it is usually user error.”
“I seem to have more trouble with 24” than 36”.” (editor’s note: !???!!!!)
“It sort of works if I push it in the front really hard.”

Take this however you want to. If you are a perverted s.o.b. you'll take it one way. If you are of pure mind, you'll take it another way entirely (like I did of course).

correction

Darren, being the anal retentive fart that he is mentioned to me this weekend that 8 1/2# to 15# isn't really 200% as I mentioned in a previous post so I guess that the title should have been "Enlarge 176.47% ". Dork.

(edit: I too, knew that it wasn't exactly 200% but felt that was close enough. Obviously, I failed to take into account how many of you, from now on to be referred to as "my readers", are science types and therefore not properly wired to allow such things to go unpunished.)













I would like to formally apologize to anyone whom I have offended, cause, you know, if you're a dork, you probably were offended.

Booze hound

I think mommy has been sampling the egg nog! 

enlarge 200%

1 week old. 8 1/2 lbs




















3 1/2 months old 15 lbs

Chucky II, Revenge of Chucky

Brynna is seriously starting to scare me now.  First with the “instant awake and staring” thing (see Chucky post from last month), then a few weeks ago Marcy was watching tv while Brynna was supposedly asleep in her lap.  Because Marcy thought Brynna was asleep, she wasn’t being careful about what she was watching and had channel surfed to “Tremors”.  You remember that movie right?  You know, the one with Kevin “don’t call me Canadian” Bacon and the giant underground boogers with the ravenous fingers/mouths?  Marcy had stopped on the movie for a few minutes (In case you can’t tell, I’m trying to protect Marcy here by making it SOUND like she wasn’t actually watching the movie but simply stopping momentarily while scanning through.  I’m not protecting her because I think that she is a bad mother for watching such a movie with my only daughter in the room but because she is a bad person for actually watching that horrible movie that nobody since ‘99 should be watching.) to check out the action.  At one point one of the tentacles shot up from the ground to grab someone and Brynna actually laughed.  She laughed at a creepy, grotesque worm thing that comes out of the ground to eat people.  I guess that one could argue that since she hasn’t experienced life for long, she doesn’t really understand the concept of monsters and that she should be afraid of them.  Good theory until you take into account what transpired in our house last night.  A little background first, for the last few weeks, Brynna has been letting out little giggles but never consistently and Marcy and I have been trying everything we could to get her to laugh in a controlled environment where nobody could get hurt.  Up until last night we had had little success.  Last night though, Marcy stumbled onto the key to making her laugh.  Scare the shit out of her.  You heard right, the best way to make Brynna laugh is to very quickly run up to her, put your face up to hers and yell “boo”.  Initially B-girl will be startled but immediately following she will start laughing.  Not just a giggle but a laugh.  If you add all of these things up, you start to wonder what is going on in that twisted little head of hers.

On a side note, Marcy and I need to have a chat cause you kinda wonder why in the hell was she trying to scare the baby?

Best of friends

Calia and Brynna got together on Saturday. You could barely hear yourself think with all of the cooing, growling, gurgling, screaming etc going on. The babies were noisy too. 

Sort of like a parakeet, if you cover Brynna's car seat with a blanket, she's more likely to go to sleep. 

Dew me

On my last day at JMA, Joe so kindly presented me with 48 24oz Mt. Dews as a parting gift. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve had a long and sordid affair with the Dew for many years. It all started in college when I had to pull frequent all nighters. At the time, I didn’t care for coffee so my beverage of choice became Dew. We, of course, had a soda machine in our studio building but at $.75 a can a college kid couldn’t get very far so instead I usually opted to make a run to the grocery store to pick up a couple 2-liter bottles at about $1.00 apiece. Total bargain, over 300g or sugar and enough caffeine to make your hair fall out. So with that logic in tow, I paved the way for a serious Dew addiction and one that I have been half heatedly trying to kick for a few years. Over the last few weeks at JMA, I had been slowly weaning myself off of the sauce hoping to be done for good by the time I started working in Boothbay. Joe, being the great friend that he is, decided to go with the “give a recovering alcoholic a 12-pack and the keys to your car” route and set me up with a two month supply of the arch nemesis. Just last week I consumed the final urine colored beverage and am now once again trying to get the monkey off my back. Joe, my headaches thank you.

The last dew. Parting is such sweet (and I mean teeth falling out sweet) sorrow.

elemental chatter

Overheard in our car on the way home from the Browne's, "I think that its ok for her to be left handed since she already has daddy's gas".

Jumparoo

I put Brynna's jump-a-roo thing-a-ma-jig together the other night and I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. She was so excited that she made herself go crosseyed looking at everything.

Another Photo Dump by Marcy

Always ready to pose for the camera!



















Are you this happy at 6 am?















Hi daddy!

2025 Tour de France?

I just thought that I would let everyone know that apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Brynna has been showing what I believe to be more than a passing interest with biking.  A couple of weeks ago while in the bike shop she was transfixed with all of the amazing biking stuff (who wouldn’t be?) and took special interest in a Kona poster that was hung from the ceiling.  Sure, it could have just been the bright, contrasting colors that caught her attention or the fact that it’s a Canadian company and, lets face it, Canadian’s are funny to look at, but I think that she was thinking “someday I’m going to have a kick ass Lisa RD”.  Also, when we are down in the basement riding the trainer Brynna will take a keen interest in the bike and the pedaling motion.  Again, it could be the movement and colors that attract her but I like to think that she is critiquing our form and preparing for the joy to come.  Suffice it to say, if and when she does get into riding, daddy will buy her anything her little heart desires.

I blame it on Marcy

I've updated the "Boobage" post for fear that I was offending anyone in a bad way. I say "bad way" because I think that there is good offensive as well. If you can offend someone but still make them laugh, than thats good. If you offend someone and it makes them want to use lawn equipment on you, than thats bad. I think that I was hearing people firing up the weed wacker so it was time to do something about it. As I said in the title, I blame this all on Marcy. If she were doing her job, she would have headed this off before I could have caused any harm. If there is somebody who should feel remorse, its her. I can loan you some pruning shears if you'd like...

__

Marcy has entered a picture of Brynna in a photo contest at Americanbaby.com. You can check out the link below. You’ll recognize the pic from a previous post.

PHOTO HERE

Brynna made two milestones this weekend. The first was her first cold. She was sniffing, coughing and sneezing all weekend. The worst of it was through Saturday night into Sunday morning. Thankfully she wasn’t uber congested and snotty because I didn’t want to have to pull out the turkey baster to suck any boogies out. Marcy did once just for fun I think. By yesterday, Brynna was still stuffy and coughing but when she wasn’t sleeping she was being her usual flirty self.














Her second milestone was her first roll. Yesterday afternoon as I was working in the basement Marcy starts screaming for me frantically. I couldn’t quite hear what she was saying but it sounded urgent. I had just let Chance in a few minutes prior so as I was sprinting upstairs the only thing that I could think of was the image of Chance running around the house holding Brynna in his mouth by the back of her diaper. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. Personally, I think that Marcy needs to work on making some sort of distinction between her excited voice and her freaked out voice or else I need to clean the gunk out of my ears. Anyway, Brynna had managed to roll from her belly to her back once for Mommy and then once for me as well. Of course as soon as I went to get the camera she decide that she was done for the day but her is what it might have looked like.

On her belly:
















On her back:

excuse my boobage

An e-mail from Marcy this morning:

“I set the blog as my homepage. Of course it opens to boobs! Update soon
please!”

I can’t imagine why this would be a problem at work…

Mine also opens up to boobs of a different variety.  Check out www.manboobs.com

Boobage

This is the sight at our house every day. Photo thanks to Hawaii Dano

(Note: photo updated on 12-6-05 because of the censor nazis. If you want to see the orig. photo click on the Hawaii Dano link above or "Island Architect" in the links column).

Inspiration

I’ve been looking at my recent posts today and noticed a degradation in both content and writing style. I’m not sure of the reason for this, it could be a number of things. First off, my creativity started to wane when I changed jobs. I don’t think that is because my new job is sucking the life out of me, it’s the exact opposite actually. At JMA, my focus had started to decline near the end and therefore I had some extra time to think of funny things to say. Having a new job that is keeping me on my toes hasn’t allowed me much time to let my mind wander into the dark side of my brain where all of the poop and booger jokes linger. Another possibility is that nothing funny has happened to me recently. I don’t truly believe that to be the case though since I can usually find humor in just about any situation. Who else can find humor in an umbilical cord hanging out of a woman’s who-who? I can and I believe that to be my one true gift. The third reason, and the one that I’m going to hang my hat on since it provides the most potential for my personal benefit, is that my creativity has declined since I stopped riding on a regular basis. In the last two months I can count the number of rides that I’ve had on one hand. I can only assume that my lack of wit recently is the result of brain atrophy set into motion because in recent months it hasn’t needed to process multiple images, actions, balancing, butt puckering etc as I pinball down a trail on the edge of control (and beyond the edge of good judgment). No muscle can be expected to survive such inactivity.

With that in mind (and the fact that I had a shiny new-to-me bike sitting in the basement) I decided to go out for a quick road ride last night. It was a beautiful day yesterday and probably one of our last 50+deg days of the year so I knew that I needed to take advantage. After getting permission from my two bosses (Marcy and Brynna) I set out for my ride at 6:30 last night. Of course, as soon as I stepped out of the door, it started to rain. Not a downpour by any stretch, just a steady, persistent light rain. Despite the rain, I had a great ride on my new bike and managed to stay warm despite being soaked through. Overall, it was a great ride and I think that it was the impetus of me writing this, my longest post in some time.



A stunt double of my new bike. The setup is nearly identical except mine has flat bars and a flite tt seat.

Nipple Sandwich

Nipple Sandwich!!!  I forgot that was going to be my catch phrase.  Guess I’ll have to start saying it more.

What you lookin at Willis? 

B & B

I swear, Brynna was awake for part of the day. 

Memories

Put up a tent and we could be a circus act. This is a great way to work off all of the turkey and stuffing. I had to disappear into a beer bottle to get them to stop. 

Is it me of does it look like Brynna is wearing a fat suit here? I'm sure that Brielle is thinking "get this load off of me quick before I drop her."